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 “Mean Girl” Behaviors and School Bullying: How They Affect Your Child’s Mental Health

 “Mean Girl” Behaviors and School Bullying: How They Affect Your Child’s Mental Health

Your daughter comes home quieter than usual. She says school was “fine,” but later you find her crying over a group chat. Friends who welcomed her last week are suddenly ignoring her. She starts asking to stay home, questioning her appearance, or wondering what she did wrong.

For parents, these situations can be difficult to understand. Is this a friendship disagreement? A painful part of growing up? Or bullying that needs adult intervention?

What people often call “mean girl” behavior can involve relational aggression—using relationships, social status, or belonging to hurt someone. Although this article focuses on girls, children of any gender can experience or engage in these behaviors.

Recognizing what is happening helps parents respond thoughtfully and protect their child’s emotional well-being.

What “Mean Girl” Behavior Can Look Like

Social bullying can be subtle. A child may appear friendly around adults while repeatedly humiliating or excluding another child when adults are not watching.

Examples include:

– Deliberately excluding someone and encouraging others to do the same.
– Spreading rumors or sharing private information to damage a reputation.
– Threatening to end a friendship unless someone follows the group’s rules.
– Making hurtful comments about appearance, clothing, interests, or identity.
– Using group chats, photos, or posts to embarrass someone publicly.
– Alternating between kindness and rejection to control a friendship.
– Calling hurtful comments “jokes” and blaming the child for being upset.

The phrase “mean girl” may be familiar, but it is more helpful to name the behavior than label the child. Children who behave this way need accountability, guidance, and opportunities to change.

When Does Friendship Conflict Become Bullying?

Not every disagreement, changing friendship, or missed invitation is bullying. Children can choose their friends and set boundaries. Even healthy friendships include misunderstandings and hurt feelings.

Bullying involves unwanted aggressive behavior, a real or perceived power imbalance, and behavior that repeats—or has the potential to repeat. Social power may come from popularity, access to embarrassing information, or having a group willing to join in.

A friend saying, “I need some space after our argument,” is different from repeatedly telling classmates not to speak to someone and threatening anyone who does.

Even when a situation does not meet the definition of bullying, a child’s distress still deserves attention.

Why It Can Be So Painful for Girls

Friendship can be an important source of connection, identity, and security. When a girl is repeatedly excluded or humiliated by people she considers friends, she may begin questioning her own worth.

She might think:

*“What is wrong with me?”*

*“If I were prettier or more interesting, they would like me.”*

*“I have to do whatever they want so I won’t be alone.”*

The uncertainty can be especially exhausting. A friend may be warm one day and dismissive the next, leaving a girl constantly trying to predict where she stands.

Online interactions can extend that uncertainty into evenings and weekends. A child may leave school but continue seeing messages, comments, or photos that make her feel targeted.

Adults sometimes dismiss these experiences as “girl drama.” That response can make a child feel ashamed for being hurt and less willing to ask for help.

The Connection to Anxiety and Depression

Bullying is associated with increased risk for anxiety, depression, sleep difficulties, and problems at school. These outcomes are not inevitable, but persistent bullying deserves prompt attention.

Anxiety may center on anticipating the next interaction. A girl might worry about where she will sit at lunch, whether anyone will partner with her, or what others are saying online. She may repeatedly seek reassurance or avoid situations that once felt comfortable.

Depression may involve sadness, irritability, withdrawal, or loss of interest.  Some children become tearful; others seem angry or emotionally shut down. Children’s depression does not always look like obvious sadness.

Repeated mistreatment can also affect self-esteem and trust. A child may start expecting rejection in new friendships or tolerate hurtful treatment because she believes it is the price of belonging.

Bullying is one possible contributor to these difficulties. A professional assessment can help clarify what is happening and what support is needed.

How These Behaviors Can Look for Boys

Boys can also experience rumor-spreading, exclusion, friendship manipulation, and online humiliation. Their experiences may be overlooked when adults expect bullying among boys to be mainly physical.

Examples might include being repeatedly mocked in a gaming chat, excluded from a team’s social activities, pressured to prove toughness, or ridiculed for showing emotion.

A boy may describe mistreatment as “just messing around,” even when it hurts. Parents can ask: *“Is everyone enjoying the joke? Can someone ask for it to stop without being mocked or punished?”*

These patterns are not exclusive to either gender. Understanding the individual child is more useful than relying on stereotypes.

 Changes Parents Should Notice

Look for changes from your child’s usual behavior, such as:

– Avoiding school, activities, or particular peers.
– Becoming unusually upset before school or after using a phone.
– Withdrawing from friendships or interests.
– Changes in sleep, appetite, concentration, or grades.
– Frequent headaches or stomachaches.
– Negative comments about themselves or their worth.

These changes can have many causes and do not prove bullying is occurring. They are reasons to start a conversation. Physical symptoms also deserve appropriate medical attention.

How Parents Can Help

Start by listening

Try: “I’m glad you told me. That sounds painful. You don’t deserve to be treated that way.”

Give your child time to describe what happened before offering solutions. Ask specific, calm questions: “Who was there?” “Has this happened before?” “What happened when you asked them to stop?”

Avoid assuming the other child is “just jealous” or telling your child to simply ignore it. Understanding the pattern helps you decide what to do.

Include your child in the next steps

Ask what they fear might happen if an adult gets involved. Explain which steps you plan to take and why. Their perspective matters, even when safety requires adult action.

Practice short boundaries such as, “That isn’t funny to me,” or, “I’m leaving this conversation.” Make clear that your child is not responsible for stopping bullying alone.

Work with the school

Record specific incidents, dates, and relevant messages or screenshots. Contact the appropriate teacher, counselor, social worker, or administrator.

Ask for a concrete plan: Who can your child approach? How will vulnerable times, such as lunch or transitions, be supervised? When will you follow up? How will the school monitor retaliation?

Help strengthen other connections

Encourage relationships and activities where your child feels welcomed and valued. Avoid pressuring them to repair a friendship that repeatedly causes harm.

At home, make room for conversations about respect, boundaries, and the difference between belonging and having to earn acceptance through compliance.

When Therapy Can Help

Consider professional support when distress persists, school avoidance develops, or mood, sleep, friendships, and daily functioning are affected.

Therapy can help children make sense of their experiences, address anxiety or depressive symptoms, practice boundaries, and rebuild confidence. It can also help parents respond effectively and coordinate with schools when appropriate.

Therapy supports the child while adults continue addressing the harmful behavior.

If a child talks about self-harm, suicide, or feeling unable to stay safe, seek immediate help- call or text **988** for crisis support; call **911** for immediate danger.

Support for Your Child and Family

At Progressive Psychological Healthcare, we provide therapy for children and adolescents experiencing anxiety, depression, peer conflict, and school-related stress. We work with families to understand their child’s needs and develop practical ways to support them.

If you are concerned about your child’s friendships or emotional well-being, reach out to discuss support.

**Buffalo Grove • Chicago • Virtual**
**847-979-0268**
[www.propsychhealth.com]

Trauma Therapy: How EMDR and Other Evidence-Based Treatments Can Help You Heal

Trauma can affect every area of life, including relationships, self-esteem, emotional well-being, and physical health. Whether you’ve experienced a single traumatic event, childhood trauma, medical trauma, or ongoing stress, the effects can linger long after the experience is over.

The good news is that healing is possible.

At Progressive Psychological Healthcare, we offer several evidence-based trauma therapies designed to help individuals process painful experiences, reduce symptoms of anxiety and PTSD, and regain a sense of control in their lives. One of the most effective approaches we offer is EMDR therapy, along with Internal Family Systems (IFS), Somatic Therapy, and Tholage Therapy.

What Is EMDR Therapy?

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is a highly researched trauma treatment that helps the brain process distressing memories in a healthier way.

When a traumatic event occurs, the brain may not fully process the experience. As a result, memories, emotions, and physical sensations can remain “stuck,” leading to symptoms such as anxiety, panic attacks, nightmares, emotional triggers, and difficulty feeling safe.

EMDR therapy uses bilateral stimulation, such as guided eye movements, tapping, or auditory cues, while helping individuals process traumatic memories. Over time, these memories often become less distressing and lose their emotional intensity.

EMDR can be effective for:

  • Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
  • Childhood trauma
  • Anxiety and panic attacks
  • Medical trauma
  • Grief and loss
  • Phobias
  • Relationship trauma
  • Negative self-beliefs and low self-esteem

Many clients report that EMDR helps them feel less emotionally overwhelmed by past experiences and more present in their daily lives.

Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy

Many people who have experienced trauma find themselves struggling with inner conflict. One part of them wants to move forward, while another part remains fearful, critical, or protective.

Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy helps individuals understand these different parts of themselves with curiosity and compassion rather than judgment.

IFS can be particularly helpful for:

  • Childhood emotional trauma
  • Complex PTSD
  • Anxiety and depression
  • Relationship difficulties
  • Shame and self-criticism
  • Emotional regulation challenges

Rather than focusing on what is “wrong,” IFS helps individuals reconnect with their strengths and build a healthier relationship with themselves.

Somatic Therapy and Nervous System Regulation

Trauma is not only stored in our memories—it is often experienced in the body as well.

Many trauma survivors struggle with symptoms such as chronic tension, hypervigilance, panic, fatigue, digestive issues, or feeling constantly “on edge.” These symptoms can occur when the nervous system remains stuck in survival mode.

Somatic Therapy focuses on the connection between the mind and body. Treatment may include:

  • Breathwork
  • Grounding techniques
  • Body awareness exercises
  • Nervous system regulation strategies
  • Mind-body integration practices

By helping individuals reconnect with their bodies in a safe and supportive way, somatic approaches can reduce stress and improve overall emotional well-being.

What Is Tholage Therapy?

Progressive Psychological Healthcare is proud to offer Tholage Therapy, an innovative, neuroscience-informed approach to emotional healing and trauma treatment.

Tholage Therapy combines elements of trauma processing, emotional regulation, and adaptive healing to help individuals work through difficult experiences while building resilience and psychological flexibility.

This approach can be used on its own or alongside other therapies such as EMDR, IFS, and traditional psychotherapy.

Finding the Right Trauma Treatment

There is no one-size-fits-all approach to trauma recovery. Every individual has a unique history, personality, and set of experiences.

Some individuals benefit most from EMDR therapy, while others may respond better to IFS, Somatic Therapy, or a combination of approaches. Our clinicians work collaboratively with each client to develop a treatment plan tailored to their needs and goals.

If you are struggling with the effects of trauma, anxiety, PTSD, panic attacks, or childhood emotional wounds, help is available.

Trauma Therapy in Buffalo Grove and Chicago

At Progressive Psychological Healthcare, our clinicians provide compassionate, evidence-based trauma treatment for adolescents, adults, couples, and older adults. We offer EMDR therapy, Internal Family Systems (IFS), Somatic Therapy, and other trauma-focused approaches designed to support lasting healing and recovery.

If you’re ready to learn more about trauma therapy or schedule an appointment, contact our team today.

Neuropsychological & Psychological Evaluation Frequently Asked Questions

Neuropsychological & Psychological Evaluation Frequently Asked Questions

Location Addresses

  • Buffalo Grove: 750 W Lake Cook Road, Suite 190, Buffalo Grove, IL 60089
  • Chicago: 2551 N Clark Street, Suite 300, Chicago, IL 60614

Frequently Asked Questions

1. I created my Therapy Appointment account & when I try to sign back in, it says the link expired or is invalid. How do I get a new link?

Please email our administrative team at pph-admins@propsychhealth.com, or call our office at 847-979-0268 to request a new registration link.

2. How/Where do I upload my insurance card(s)?

You can upload documents in your Therapy Appointment patient portal upon account setup. If you are having trouble uploading documents to the portal, you can also email pictures to pph-admins@propsychhealth.com. Please be sure to include the client’s name in the email to our practice.

3. How do I contact my clinician or send them additional info/documents?

The best & most efficient way to contact your clinician is by email, as the clinicians do not have phone lines. You can send any relevant information (such as a previous report, medical documents) to pph-admins@propsychhealth.com. Please be sure to include the client’s name in your email.

4. How do I find out my insurance benefits?

You are advised to confirm your benefits for psychological/neuropsychological testing directly with your insurance provider and to obtain a reference number of that call for your records. It is strongly urged to check your insurance coverage prior to testing to receive the most accurate cost estimates.

When verifying your insurance benefits, your insurance provider may ask for CPT codes to check coverage. Here are the relevant CPT codes for testing services:

  • 96116
  • 96132
  • 96133
  • 96136
  • 96137
  • 96138
  • 96139

Insurance benefits may be checked by PPH as a courtesy, but it is not a guarantee of coverage. The final decision will be made by your insurance company once claims are submitted.

5. Why am I provided with an estimate instead of an exact cost?

The cost of your evaluation depends on how much testing is needed, which can only be determined as the testing takes place. We cannot guarantee how insurance will process these claims in advance.

6. What is the potential full cost when using insurance for testing?

Costs will be determined by your deductible if it applies to testing services. If a deductible does apply to your insurance plan and has not yet been met, your out-of-pocket cost could potentially amount to $2,000. Other costs like coinsurance or a copay also apply.

7. What is your cancellation policy?

Please provide us with at least 24 hours’ notice of a cancellation or rescheduling request.

8. What happens if I need to reschedule my appointment?

If you need to reschedule, please notify the office as soon as possible. We will move your appointment to the next available date, which could be 1-2 months later, depending on current scheduling.

9. Can the intake or feedback (results) appointment be an office visit?

Yes, you can request an in-person visit for the intake and/or feedback appointment.

10. When will I get a link to join my virtual intake or virtual feedback appointment?

Expect a link to be emailed to you by the clinician at your appointment date & time.

11. Can I share the link to the virtual appointment with someone else?

Yes, you can share the link with someone joining the session from another device or location.

12. What happens if I’m having trouble using the link for my virtual appointment?

Please email pph-admins@propsychhealth.com or call our office at 847-979-0268.

13. How long does each appointment last?

  • Intake and feedback appointments: Typically last 1 hour.
  • Testing appointment duration: Varies from 4-6 hours for children and adults under 60, and 2-3 hours for adults 60+ or Medicare clients. Testing for children under 5 may last 1-2 hours.

14. What is needed for the day of testing? Should I bring anything?

You may bring lunch or order a meal, a water bottle or snacks for your designated break.

15. Should I take my medications?

Clinicians typically recommend taking medications as prescribed. If taking a stimulant medication for ADHD, refrain from taking that medication the night before testing. Bring the medication along if needed.

16. What is a technician & why are they performing the testing?

Technicians or psychometrists administer the testing to collect data for the clinician to analyze results, determine diagnoses, & provide recommendations.

17. I’m a parent; can I be in the room while my child is testing?

For children under 5, parents are typically involved. For ages 6+, they will be tested alone but can take breaks.

18. I’ve completed testing. When is my feedback appointment?

For most patients, the feedback appointment is scheduled approximately 2 weeks after testing.

19. When will I receive my report?

The report will be discussed during the feedback appointment and emailed afterward. A hard copy or fax can be requested as well.

20. What is an ROI & why is it needed?

ROI stands for Release of Information and is recommended for evaluations. It allows secure sharing of health records in compliance with privacy laws.

21. Why am I being asked to complete your practice’s ROI if I already filled one out for my doctor’s office/school/attorney/etc?

Every organization has its own ROI form, which needs to be completed to legally share and receive records.

5 Signs You Might Benefit from Couples Counseling

 

Even the healthiest relationships face challenges. Whether you’re dating, married, or navigating life as co-parents, every couple experiences periods of disconnection, tension, or emotional distance.

Couples counseling isn’t just for relationships in crisis — it’s a tool for strengthening connection, improving communication, and fostering lasting growth.

If you’ve been wondering whether therapy could help your relationship, here are five signs to look out for:


1. You Keep Having the Same Arguments

Do you feel like you’re stuck in a cycle of unresolved conflicts?
Repeating the same fights — even about small issues — often signals deeper emotional needs that aren’t being met. Couples therapy can help you break out of this loop and understand what’s really going on beneath the surface.


2. Communication Feels Strained or Guarded

You may be speaking — but are you feeling heard?
Whether it’s constant miscommunication or walking on eggshells, strained communication erodes intimacy. Therapy creates a space where both partners can speak and listen with clarity and compassion.


3. Intimacy Has Shifted or Faded

Emotional and physical connection is vital in relationships.
If you feel more like roommates than romantic partners, or if touch, affection, or vulnerability feel scarce, therapy can help rekindle closeness and rediscover what brought you together.


4. You’re Recovering From a Breach of Trust

Infidelity, secrecy, or financial dishonesty can shake the foundation of a relationship.
Healing is possible, but it takes time, honesty, and guided support. Therapy provides a structured space to process pain and rebuild trust in a safe, neutral environment.


5. You’re Feeling Disconnected — But You Still Care

Sometimes there’s no big fight — just a quiet drift.
If you’re feeling distant but still care about your partner, that’s the perfect time to seek help. Couples therapy can help you realign your goals, deepen understanding, and strengthen your emotional bond.


💬 What Happens in Couples Counseling?

At Pro Psych Health, we offer a nonjudgmental, supportive environment for couples of all kinds — including LGBTQIA+ partnerships, co-parenting duos, long-term couples, and newer relationships.

We tailor our approach using evidence-based modalities like:
✔ Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT)
✔ Gottman Method
✔ Family Systems Therapy
✔ LGBTQ+ Affirming Practices

Sessions focus on building empathy, strengthening communication, and reconnecting you to one another’s values and needs.


📍 Convenient Locations & Telehealth Available

We serve couples across Buffalo Grove, Lincoln Park, and greater Chicago. Virtual therapy is also available for Illinois residents through our secure telehealth platform.


✅ Ready to reconnect?

Therapy is not about assigning blame — it’s about creating space to grow, heal, and thrive — together.
Book a confidential consultation today.


ProPsych Health is an inclusive, affirming practice dedicated to helping individuals and couples achieve meaningful emotional wellness.

By ProPsych Health
Serving Chicago, Lincoln Park, and Buffalo Grove | In-person and Teletherapy

Social Anxiety

Social anxiety is a common mental health condition that is a fear of being watched or judged by others in a social setting. Social anxiety can affect many aspects of your life, including work, school, and relationships. While social anxiety can be challenging to live with, it doesn’t have to keep you from living your life, and treatment can help you overcome the symptoms.

What does Social Anxiety Look Like?

According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (5th Edition) (DSM-5), the criteria for anxiety disorder include:

  • Persistent, intense fear or anxiety about specific social situations because you believe you may be judged, embarrassed, or humiliated
  • Avoidance of anxiety-producing social situations or enduring them with intense fear or anxiety
  • Excessive anxiety that’s out of proportion to the situation
  • Anxiety or distress that interferes with your daily living
  • Fear or anxiety that is not better explained by a medical condition, medication or substance abuse

A person struggling with social anxiety disorder may feel symptoms of anxiety or fear in certain social situations such as meeting new people, dating, job interviews, public speaking, or ordering food at a restaurant. Additionally, doing things in a social setting like eating in front of people or using a public restroom can also trigger this fear or anxiety in individuals. Typically, people struggling with a social anxiety disorder are worried that they may be judged, rejected, or even humiliated by people.

Anxiety within social situations is so intense that many people feel unable to control their feelings or emotions. This perceived inability to control their anxiety can potentially affect their performance in school, work, or social situations, which can lead to the person avoiding these types of situations altogether.

When does Social Anxiety Start?

Social anxiety disorders usually develop during youth in people that are often described as ‘extremely shy.’ Social Anxiety disorder is relatively common, and research suggests that around 7% of individuals within the United States are affected by this to some degree.

What are the Signs and Symptoms of Social Anxiety Disorder?

Anxiety or fear within social situations can look different for everyone struggling with Social Anxiety Disorder. Typically, when having to perform in front of others or be around others in a social situation, people with anxiety disorders can:

  • Blush, sweat, or tremble
  • Have an increased heart rate
  • Feel dizzy
  • Make less eye contact
  • Speak quietly
  • Feel nauseous or lightheaded
  • Be very afraid of judgment from other people
  • Have a hard time talking to people, especially people they don’t know, even though they wish it would be easier
  • Feel self-conscious in front of other people
  • Avoid or stay away from places where there are other people
  • Isolate themselves from others
  • Feel embarrassed or awkward around other people

How is Social Anxiety Disorder Treated?

The first step when treating social anxiety is to talk to a health care professional about the symptoms that you are experiencing. Your doctor can help rule out any unrelated physical health problems and point you in the right direction of beneficial treatment. This typically results in a referral to a mental health specialist such as a psychiatrist, psychologist, social worker, or clinical counselor who can properly diagnose a mental health disorder to understand better what treatment is needed.

Forms of psychotherapy such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can be beneficial for treating social anxiety disorders. For instance, this type of psychotherapy helps teach you different ways of thinking, behaving, or reacting to situations to decrease the distress caused by anxiety or fear within social situations.

Group therapy can also be a beneficial component to treating social anxiety disorders. Support groups can help individuals get more perspective on their anxiety and learn how their thoughts about what will happen when around others aren’t necessarily true.

Medication is also another thing to consider when treating social anxiety disorders. While psychotherapy and group therapy is an effective form of treatment, sometimes medication is helpful. Your doctor will work with you to find the best medication for your specific need. However, most people who are prescribed medication obtain the best results when also doing psychotherapy in conjunction with their medication.

Tips on getting the most out of therapy

Find the Right Therapist for You

Find a therapist that is a good fit for you and your needs. To set yourself up for the best therapy possible, take time to understand what you need and want out of the process.

 

Depending on why you’re coming to therapy, some therapists are specialized to help with specific problems. Searching for certifications that therapists have may be a helpful way to start your search.

 

 

 

For instance, some therapists have special certifications in:

  • Couples and Marriage Counseling
  • Family Counseling
  • Grief Therapy
  • Trauma Therapy
  • Addiction and Alcohol Counseling
  • Divorce counseling
  • Sex Therapy

Once you find a therapist you may be interested in, set up a phone call to get more information on the therapy process since every office is different.

 

Unless there are any significant problems from your initial conversation, give yourself at least three sessions before deciding it’s going to work or not. This will give you time to understand what kind of therapy the therapist practices and if the therapist is a good fit for you and your overall needs.

 

Handle the Business side of therapy first

 

When sitting in the actual session, you don’t want things like out-of-pocket fees or other paperwork to take your attention away from the actual session.

 

Before beginning your first appointment, arrive a few minutes early to get all of the paperwork, fees, and insurance aspects of therapy out of the way. That way, you can place your full attention when you’re in session and all of the vital work that goes on during your time with your therapist.

 

View it as a Collaboration

 

Very rarely will a therapist run the whole session. Your journey to wellness is a team effort. While the therapist may help guide you, it is ultimately your responsibility to find your conclusions and move towards progress in your life.

 

Schedule Sessions at a Time that Works for You

 

Being valuable and working towards mental wellness can be exhausting. Because of this, schedule therapy appointments when you have enough time to be present with your therapist without having to rush away into a stressful environment right after a session.

Talk about Therapy in Therapy

 

Since therapy usually takes a collaborative approach, it might be beneficial to express your feelings about treatment to your therapist. Strong emotions typically surface throughout the therapeutic process and acknowledging them head-on with your therapist may provide a space for reflection and processing that will increase the benefits that therapy can have.

 

Do Work Outside of Session

 

Therapy is usually only 50-60 minutes of your week, a small drop in the bucket compared to the rest of your week. Implementing the tools learned in therapy within your daily life is one of the best ways to see personal growth over time.

 

If you’re unsure about how to start executing what you learn in therapy into your life, ask your therapist. They can help you develop plans, goals, and objectives to keep the therapeutic process going outside of the session.

 

Set Boundaries around Therapy

 

Therapy is a safe space that allows you to explore your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. However, it’s important to remind yourself that this space is your own, and it’s ok to have limits as to what you disclose to those around you about therapy.

 

Friends and family that care about you may ask you what you talked about, how it went, or why you’re in therapy in the first place. While it may be coming from a good place, it’s perfectly acceptable (and healthy) not to divulge what happens in therapy if you’re not comfortable.

 

Bring it All into Sessions

 

Bring all different parts of your personality into your session. Therapy is often a space that you talk about complicated feelings, emotions, and thoughts. Being able to express yourself fully without censoring yourself can help the session be more productive while helping you better understand who you are as a person.

 

Trust the Process

 

As cliche as this sounds, trusting thetherapy process is an integral part of having a positive therapeutic experience. Therapists benefit from going to school, reading countless books, studies, and articles surrounding therapy (which is a good thing!), but sometimes the process can be a little difficult to follow when you’re the client.

 

If you’re wondering about the process, the progress you’re making, or have questions about therapy in general, we encourage you to bring that up to your therapist. It’s ok to ask any questions you have during sessions, leading to a more effective therapeutic process.

What is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)?

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

 

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is a common type of therapy (psychotherapy) used to treat a wide range of mental health problems. While not the only effective treatment that therapists use, CBT is unique in that it is an evidence-based method, scientifically proven to show results for most people.

 

In addition to this, CBT can help you quickly identify and cope with specific challenges and stressors within your life. There are several core principles that CBT uses to decrease psychological distress:

  1. Learned patterns or unhelpful behaviors lead to psychological problems
  2. Faulty or unhelpful ways of thinking lead to psychological problems
  3. Problem-solving skills can help individuals cope with difficult situations.
  4. Using mindfulness to learn how to relax your mind and body
  5. Learning ways to develop a greater sense of confidence in your abilities
  6. Gaining a better understanding of your behaviors and thoughts to reevaluate them within situations
  7. Learning coping skills to decrease distress and relieve symptoms to increase the quality of life

 

Benefits of CBT

 

CBT is designed to address a wide range of mental health problems and is often a shorter form of therapy than traditional types of psychotherapy. CBT is a widely taught theoretical orientation that many therapists use in their practices. While every therapist practices a bit differently, this method has a relatively standard set of principles and rules to treat clients effectively.

 

Common Mental Health Problems that could Benefit from CBT

 

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy may help improve numerous mental health problems, including (but not limited to):

  • Depression
  • Anxiety
  • Phobias
  • PTSD
  • Eating Disorders
  • Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
  • Substance and Alcohol Misuse

 

What to Expect During CBT

When receiving Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, a clinician will rarely use every technique and strategy described earlier in the article. Instead, CBT emphasizes a collaborative and structured approach to therapy tailored to the client’s needs.

 

This collaborative approach helps teach the client to become their own therapist within their lives outside of therapy. Through homework, exercises in and outside of treatment, and the development of coping and problem-solving skills, clients learn how to challenge and change their behaviors and thought patterns to increase their quality of life and decrease psychological distress.

 

Additionally, CBT therapists also tend to focus on what is happening currently in the person’s life instead of the person’s past. While some history of the person’s life is necessary for therapy, the primary focus of CBT is to develop ways of coping with life moving forward.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

Length of Therapy

 

CBT is generally considered a form of short-term therapy. Expect traditional CBT to last between 5-20 sessions, depending. However, it is essential to discuss what length (and type) of treatment is right for you with your therapist to ensure the most beneficial outcome possible.

Sleep and Mental Health

 

Getting consistent and high-quality sleep is an integral part of your physical and mental wellbeing. Numerous studies have illustrated that sleep problems can negatively affect your mental health.

 

Around 10-18% of adults within the United States struggle with chronic sleep problems. In fact, lack of sleep or low-quality sleep can be common among individuals struggling with depression, bipolar disorder, attention deficit hyperactivity disorders (ADHD), and anxiety. Clinical research suggests that sleep can be both a cause and a consequence of mental health issues.

 

Why Sleep is Important

 

Brain activity rapidly increases and decreases during different stages of sleep. In non-rapid eye movement sleep (NREM), the brain’s activity slows but has quick bursts of energy. In rapid eye movement sleep (REM), brain activity increases and is associated with dreaming. Adequate sleep allows the brain to cycle between these two stages of sleep, allowing the brain to process emotional information collected throughout the day.

 

 

 

Sleep and Mental Health

 

Sleep is a necessary component for both the physical upkeep of the body and the maintenance of cognitive skills, attention, learning, memory, and emotional regulation. In fact, lack of consistent and quality sleep can lead to mental health issues.

 

Depression

 

Almost three-quarters of people struggling with depression show symptoms of sleep problems, including insomnia, excessive daytime sleepiness, or hypersomnia. While experts once thought that sleep problems were a symptom of depression, recent evidence suggests that insufficient sleep has the potential of inducing and exacerbating symptoms of depression.

 

However, it’s important to note that depression often has a bidirectional relationship with sleep problems. In other words, poor sleep can worsen depression, and depression can worsen sleep problems. Despite this, the consensus from experts is that focusing on sleep quality can positively affect depression symptoms.

 

Anxiety Disorders

 

Anxiety disorders typically create distressing fear or worry that affect a person’s everyday functioning. Different types of anxiety include generalized anxiety disorder, social anxiety, panic disorder, phobias, and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). These disorders have a strong associat

 

ion with sleep difficulties. One of the main reasons these disorders lead to sleep difficulties is that worry and fear contribute to hyperarousal. This hyperarousal leads to racing thoughts and can result in insomnia and added difficulty in falling asleep.

 

Stress

 

When an individual doesn’t get enough sleep, adrenal glands produce an increased amount of cortisol. Cortisol is a hormone that plays a prominent role in keeping us alert. When there is too much cortisol in the body, it goes into a state of stress, making the body unable to relax, leading to potentially more significant struggles with insomnia.

 

What to do When you Can’t Sleep

 

Keep a Sleep Diary

 

Keeping a sleep diary can help you better understand your habits that may contribute to any sleep problems you may be facing.

 

What to Include in your Sleep Diary:

  • Bedtimes (morning and evening)
  • Total sleep hours
  • Perceived quality of sleep
  • The time that you woke up in the middle of the night and what you did while you were awake
  • Types of food and drinks you consumed before bed
  • Feelings and moods before bed
  • And drugs or medications taken, including the dose and time taken.

 

After keeping this record for a couple of weeks, you may start to notice patterns within your nighttime or morning routine that may be contributing to a lesser quality of sleep. Having this data can help you make changes in your nighttime or morning routines that may help increase your sleep quality.

 

Develop a Relaxing Bedtime Routine

 

Developing a relaxing bedtime routine can teach your body that it is time to start winding down and preparing for sleep. Aim for a bedtime routine to begin about 30 minutes before your actual sleep time.

 

While every bedtime routine will vary, creating a comforting environment allows your body and mind to relax. It may be helpful to disconnect from electronics that are typically close to your eyes, like laptops and smartphones. The blue light emitted from these electronics may make it difficult for you to fall asleep.

 

Dimming the lights, playing white noise or relaxing music at a low volume, or practicing mindfulness activities such as meditation before bed may also help prepare your mind and body for sleep.

 

Diet and Exercise

 

Research has found that the food you eat and your activity level may affect your quality of sleep. Spicy foods and bigger meals leading up to bedtime may negatively affect your quality of sleep and your ability to fall and stay asleep. While it is ok to eat before bed, try to avoid spicy and heavier foods. Also, avoiding caffeine and alcohol leading up to bedtime may help you fall asleep faster and have a higher sleep quality throughout the night.

Loss and Grief

Loss and Grief

 

Loss and the resulting grief you experience can be one of life’s most stressful events and can be a complex emotion to live with and tricky to navigate.

 

Loss can come in many forms, such as:

 

  • Divorce or relationship breakup
  • Loss of health
  • Death
  • Losing a job
  • Miscarriage
  • Retirement
  • Loss of a dream
  • Loss of a friendship

 

Even smaller life transitions can trigger feelings of grief to surface. For instance, graduating college, changing jobs, or moving away from home or into a new apartment can be some situations that may bring up feelings of grief and loss.

 

What to Expect

 

The grieving process is a highly individual process that looks different for everyone, which means there is no right or wrong way to experience a loss. Feeling a wide range of emotions is common when dealing with loss, and there isn’t a set amount of time when it comes to how long or when these emotions will appear.

 

Some emotions that may appear when experiencing a loss are:

 

  • Denial
  • Shock
  • Confusion
  • Sadness
  • Anger
  • Yearning
  • Humiliation
  • Despair
  • Guilt
  • Disbelief

 

While this isn’t an exhaustive list of all of the emotions, you may face, intense and often quickly changing feelings are a normal and common reactions to loss.

 

However, it’s also important to understand that absorbing the impact of a loss is a process that takes time. While you may never stop missing your loved one, the pain and intense emotions ease over time and allow you to go back to your daily life.

Living with Grief

 

Learning how to cope when you experience loss is vital to your mental health and wellbeing. Grieving death and implementing coping skills can help you through the process of coming to terms with loss in your life while taking care of your mental health.

 

Myths Surrounding Grieving

 

Ignoring these feelings will help me move on faster

 

Ignoring the pain or other uncomfortable feelings associated with loss may be a short-term solution but usually only worsens the feelings of grief over time. Instead, have patience and allow yourself to feel and process the emotions that come up while deal with your loss.

 

It may also be helpful to reach out to a friend for support or a mental health professional who can help you process and deal with these emotions and feelings surrounding your loss.

 

Grieving shouldn’t last more than a few months

 

There isn’t a specific timetable for the grieving process, and how long it takes to accept loss can significantly vary from person to person. Trying to cut the grieving process short may lead to adverse mental health problems in the future.

 

However, if the distress you feel from your loss is negatively impacting your life and not decreasing over time, consider seeking help from a mental health professional. Many mental health professionals are trained in helping people navigate the often complex emotions surrounding grief and loss.

 

I have to ‘be strong,’ or else I’m weak

 

Crying, feeling sad, or lonely is a common and normal emotion to feel and does not mean that you are weak. On the contrary, showing others your feelings can help other people who are also dealing with loss.

 

Moving on with your life is disrespectful to the loss you experienced

 

Moving on means that you have processed, accepted, and come to terms with what has happened – it doesn’t mean that you have forgotten the person you have lost. In fact, moving on while keeping the memory of someone or something you lost is a beautiful way to honor the loss you experienced.

 

6 Tips for Solving Relationship Conflicts

Conflict within romantic relationships is inevitable. When you integrate your life with
another person, it is bound to lead to disputes at some point.

Arguments within romantic relationships range from small ones surrounding what movie to watch to larger ones over career choices or how to raise children. It’s important to
note that while arguments aren’t ideal, it doesn’t necessarily mean that there is trouble
in your relationship. When handled correctly, conflict can help to strengthen a
relationship. However, conflicts can escalate to where nothing is resolved and can lead
to the deterioration in relationships.

On the flip side, a couple that never has a conflict or talks about problems doesn’t have
an opportunity to communicate and resolve them. Finding a balance between high
levels of conflict and no conflict can help couples have a long and healthy relationship together.

That being said,

having specific tools and strategies at your disposal during a conflict

can help improve the odds of a successful resolution. Here are some tools that can help
solve relationship conflict:

Be direct

It can be easy for people to beat around the bush instead of plaining stating what is
upsetting or bothering them. When in conflict, people often choose a more subtle and
indirect way of expressing their displeasure.

For instance, partners may avoid discussing the conflict by switching topics or
minimizing their feelings by responding with “I’m fine” after their partner notices they are
irritated. This lack of directness leaves both partners without a clear guide as to what
the problem is, how the other person is feeling, or how to solve the problem.

Instead, work towards having direct communication with your partner. While it may be a
bit uncomfortable at first, directly stating what is bothering you is the first step in solving
relationship conflict.

Use “I”  Statements & quotes to talk about the way you feel without blaming your partner

Statements that directly blame or put your partner as the direct reason for your feeling
seldomly help produce a good healthy dialogue on solving the problem. This is because
people typically go on the defense when they feel blamed or attacked in a conversation.

Instead, a more constructive way to communicate your feelings is through the use of “I
statements.” These statements focus on how you feel instead of being directed at your
partner. For instance, an “I statement” would pair an emotion and a behavior description
that focuses on a specific behavior your partner is engaged in. An example of this could
be, “I feel sad when you are on your phone during dinner.” This helps you be direct
while focusing on your partner’s specific behavior and the emotion that it makes you
feel.

Stay away from using the words like “never” or “always” during an argument

Saying things like “You are always selfish” during an argument leads the other partner
to feel like you’re attacking their character. This leads to defensiveness, stonewalling,
and decreased chance of solving the conflict at hand.

Instead of using words that suggest that you’re partner “always”or “never” does
something that bothers you, try focusing on the particular situation at hand. Focusing on
the current situation allows you and your partner to work together to resolve the current
conflict without bringing up one’s character or other moments within the relationship.

Not Everything Needs to be a Conflict

Not every single situation needs to turn into a conflict. A relationship is about
compromise and understanding. While some things do need to be addressed,

especially if they make you feel uncomfortable, unsafe, or hurt, it may be best to let go
of minor issues such as forgetting to empty the dishwasher once in a while.

Listen to What your Partner is Saying

Sometimes we fall into the habit of listening to our partners to respond. But,
unfortunately, when we listen to respond instead of listening to comprehend, sometimes
we miss what our partner is trying to tell us.

Trying practicing active listening by reflecting the content of what your partner is telling
you back to them. This will help you better understand what your partner is telling you
and lead to more understanding of the conflict and better discussions surrounding it.

Know When it is Time to Take a Time-Out

Tensions can run high at times during a conflict. While it’s important to talk it out,
stepping away from the problem for a bit can also be beneficial. Taking a break can
allow you to process your own emotions around the conflict and calm any heightened
emotions that may have come about.

However, its essential to note that taking a time-out and removing yourself from the
situation is different. By taking a breather, you and your partner communicate how long
the time-out will be, where you are going (taking a walk around the block, going on a car
ride, etc.), and when you are going to continue the conversation. This communication
will help both partners feel respected and minimize any feelings of abandonment or
hurt.

For instance, communicating your need for a break could look like, "Can we take a 20-
minute break from this conversation? I want to calm down a bit and go for a walk around
the block. We can talk about this more when I get back." Clearly stating your need for a
break and being specific and direct will allow your partner to understand where you are
coming from and be on the same page.

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